Low self-esteem and lack of confidence will definitely put you on a downward spiral.  But don’t despair.  These three strategies will help boost your confidence and raise your spirits.

Confidence Builder #1: Make a Dependable Skills Inventory

You have strengths that are dependable through your life.  In other words, these strengths are always there for you, even if they have lain dormant for a while.  This exercise helps you to identify these qualities and make an inventory of them, which you can access in times of crisis when you need a confidence boost.

•  Think of times in your past when you have done something you are proud of, even if these seem insignificant.
•  List at least three.  Next to them list the qualities, or dependable strengths, that they show you possess.

Confidence Builder #2: Keep a “Three Good Things Diary

Being self-critical can become a habit.  Keeping a three-good-things diary is a way of developing kinder, more helpful ways of thinking.  In fact, focusing on positives not only increases confidence, it also improves health. 

•  Include all kinds of actions and tasks.  Avoid dismissive thinking, such as “Anyone could have done that.”  Don’t take things for granted, such as “But I had to cook the dinner anyway.”  Remember, it is the ordinary, not the extraordinary, you are looking to notice.
• It helps to think how you might describe a good friend who had performed the same action.

Confidence Builder #3: Make a 1% Change

Rather than try to push past fears and insecurities when making a change, start small.  By making small changes to your behavior, you can begin to test out what your underlying beliefs might be so you can eradicate them.

• Identify one thing you do currently that you would like to change.  Ask yourself, “What is that smallest change I can make to that behavior?  For example, if you always stay late for work, could you go home on time just one day a week?
• It can help to think about someone who is the opposite of you in terms of the behavior.  What would it be like to take one step towards being more like that person?

Use these strategies to feel more confident, and I guarantee you’ll find yourself on an upward spiral.

 Source: Psychologies Magazine, April 2013, pp. 64-65.

Did you know that we have separate brain circuits to handle negative and positive information? And it is probably no surprise to you that the negative circuits are more sensitive than the circuits that handle positive phenomena. This accounts for what scientists call the negativity bias. John Cacioppo, a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago, has shown that electrical activity in the brain spikes more strongly in response to negative stimuli than equally potent positive ones. “Most people respond more to the bad than to the good,” says Cacioppo. It’s no accident, therefore, that you have a tendency to weigh flaws more heavily than attributes when sizing up other people.

The negativity bias shows up very strongly when it comes to critical feedback. You overreact to the negative and fail to see the larger picture. Your brain prevent you from taking in the positive comments, and your hypersensitivity leads you to see criticism where none exists. Cacioppo says our brains seem to be wired to turn neutral phenomena, such as a request for more information, into either good or bad – usually bad.

When you are the receiver of critical feedback, it is essential that you give yourself time to get out of your “negative” brain. This means waiting to respond to the feedback; getting a reality check from a neutral party; rereading documents when you are calm and centered.

And if you are the giver of feedback, keep these 8 rules in mind to minimize the negativity bias.

1. Always lead with questions: How do you think you’re doing? It gives the recipient joint ownership of the problem and helps him feel included, not excluded.

2. Never give criticism unless it’s been invited; unsolicited negative feedback only provokes annoyance and will be discounted.

3. Make sure you are seen as having the authority to give corrective feedback. Criticism from those perceived as peers or unqualified to give it incites resistance and rebellion.

4. Distinguish whether a demand for change reflects your needs or is a valid critique of how someone is doing something. Know when “You’re too demanding” really means “I wish I felt more accepted.”

5. Never give feedback when you’re angry; anger alienates the listener. Expressing disappointment is more productive.

6. Know who you’re talking to. Narcissists take any criticism as a personal attack; the insecure lose all self-esteem.

7. Know yourself, too. If you’re relatively insensitive to criticism, curb the tendency to be heavy-handed when delivering it.

8. Expect defensiveness as a first response to criticism; a change in performance may come later.

What hurts most in negative feedback isn’t as much the overt content of the message as the negative bias that gets triggered. Now that you understand your brain’s response, you can step in to prevent the negativity bias from ruining your day. When you start on that downward spiral, it’s time to start activating your positive brain circuits!!!

Source: Psychology Today, March/April 2011, p. 59.

When you try to help someone, it can feel like a personal affront if they turn you down.  The first tendency is to feel rejected – a sure trip to that downward spiral.  Instead of feeling bad about yourself or the other person, instead of anger or frustration, take into account the following reasons that may be a play:

Pride.  Sometimes, accepting help can feel like admitting inferiority, inadequacy, dependency or defeat.  An offer of money, for example, even as a loan, can make someone feel like a charity case, and accepting help on a project may register as an inability to successfully complete something unaided.

Unworthiness.  If people grow up thinking that asking for things without explicitly earning them is unacceptably selfish, they might feel that they have no right to your help.  If these individuals did allow themselves to take what you are freely offering, they would end up feeling guilty or even anxious.

Indebtedness.  People who seem excessively independent may have learned to be that way because their experience validated the notion that taking anything from anybody is too risky.  If your offer threatens their sense of freedom, independence, security, or autonomy, they’ll feel compelled to reject it.

Vulnerability.  Those with serious trust issues may fear that accepting a favor will create an imbalance, weakening their status in the relationship.  If in the past such “taking” was, unexpectedly, used against them, why would they risk reexperiencing such betrayal.

So, stop yourself going on a downward spiral the next time you get rebuffed.  Don’t take it personally.  Look to one of these interpretations.  After all, your interpretation of the event is what produces your success and wellbeing!

Source:  Psychology Today, January/February 2013, p. 10

Sometimes our circumstances get in the way of our upward spiral.  But don’t let that get you down.  What’s the answser?  To focus on the positive aspects.  Rather than writing about it, I’ve created a video that will get your energy flowing in an upward direction.  Enjoy!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW VIDEO

This is no surprise to me:  middle aged adults who are more optimistic have better health.  More specifically, according to investigators at Harvard University, these adults showed higher serum antioxidant levels than their less optimistic peers.

Why is this important?  Antioxidants benefit your health by cleaning free radicals out of your bloodstream. They have a range of health benefits.  Some studies have shown that antioxidants reduce the signs of aging by minimizing wrinkles and preserving the texture of the skin. They can even protect your skin from sun damage, and reduce the incidence of sunburn.

Although antioxidants aren’t proven to treat any conditions, research has shown that antioxidants have also been implicated in the prevention of a number of degenerative, age-related diseases, including:

• Cancer
• Cardiovascular disease
• Cognitive impairment
• Immune dysfunction
• Cataracts
• Macular degeneration
• Alzheimer’s disease

The Harvard study was published in the January issue of Psychosomatic Medicine.  According to study investigator Julia K. Boehm, PhD., “Increasing research suggests that positive psychological functioning such as being optimistic or having purpose in life may be good for health.  Antioxidants are good examples of positive functioning because they help to inhibit other molecules from producing free radicals that damage cells and contribute to disease.”

Dr. Alexandra J. Fiocco, from the Department of Psychology, Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada commented, “This study confirms that having a positive predisposition is associated with making healthier life choices [and] shows that this is not only evidenced by subjective self-reports of health behaviors but can also be objectively shown by way of biological measures.”

As evidenced by this and other studies, optimism plays a vital role in health.  And this is one of the reasons I created the POWER Optimism program.  Regardless of how optimistic you are, you can increase your optimism by as much as 50% when you apply the tools and techniques of POWER Optimism.  Invest in yourself with the POWER Optimism book and CD!  You’re worth it!!!

Source: Medscape.com